


memory

by autumnskiess



Category: Magic Kaito, 名探偵コナン | Detective Conan | Case Closed
Genre: Gen, Mental Health Issues, depersonalisation kind of, get a psychiatrist, non-love, not really KaiAo, sorry - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-06
Updated: 2017-10-06
Packaged: 2019-01-09 21:01:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 683
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12284349
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/autumnskiess/pseuds/autumnskiess
Summary: Being unable to lead a normal lifestyle is just one of the side effects of being an internationally known criminal.





	memory

**Author's Note:**

> Hey, I wrote something.

"Aoko isn't afraid to turn you in. Aoko-" A pause, a moment of hesitation that feels too long, "I have nothing to lose, but a thief. _A criminal._ "

A voice still so clear from five years away, so shrill, the sharpness of her words cutting his chest open, and all Kaito wants to do is _forget_ but he can’t _forget_ , because forgetting would mean losing the little precious things that he still had.

He looks around the apartment with blank, worn, eyes, removing his disguise of _twenty year old female half-American half-Chinese college student Lily Wei_ , and collapses onto the couch. He tries not to think about Aoko, instead he thinks about his next heist and ways to fool a certain moustached inspector.

But of course, Nakamori is Aoko’s father, and it’s difficult.

This is his daily life, he thinks, _difficult_ , and he bathes in his own loneliness, and while _Lily Wei_ has a few friends, _Kuroba Kaito_ has none. He loathes her, envies even, but he has to have an identity and he has to put up with it, at least for now.

He picks up a deck of cards and absently shuffles them, a welcome distraction from his own cumbersome thoughts.

His mind is still restless, drifting from heists to detectives to teachers to schoolwork.

Schoolwork is something that Kaito doesn't particularly enjoy. _Lily Wei_ majors in mechanical engineering, and so does Kaito, attending classes, submitting work under a name that is not his own.

It’s useful, it helps him to make gadgets for heists, Kaito’s told Jii to go his own way after he had to disappear from the public eye, but really he would have rather majored in something else, something he finds more interesting.

Perhaps it’s just a little thing, but there are a lot of little things in his life. Lily's accent, and the way it tears at his throat. Listening to Lily's 'friends' talk his ear off. Pretending he cares, pretending he's _fine_. The little things just add up, until the weight is just too much, and he can't handle it, and it crashes down on him, breaking everything he had.

And so now his life has collapsed, he can’t go around in public without latex uncomfortably plastered to his face and a slightly itchy wig over his hair, almost _suffocating_ each day in his paranoia of being discovered, in his desperation, his regret, _Aoko’s words,_ and all he wants to do is turn back time and fix things. He wants to fix things, so that Lily Wei wouldn’t have to exist and Kaito wouldn’t have to live in this dingy little apartment.

Life isn’t a blessing, it’s a burden, and the gods simply smirk at him like they did five years ago.

(Five years is a long time, and maybe he should be over it.)

(He isn't.)

_The date is February 11th, 2017. Another heist pulled off successfully, although it isn’t Pandora._

_(Five years, and Kaito is unsure if Pandora even exists anymore.)_

_Fate plants Aoko right there, she sees him, post-heist, with the Heart of the Ocean._

_She is angry (of course she is), threatens to turn him in, doesn’t give him a chance to explain._

_(In that moment, he feels... guilt, and more than that, a pang of… a pang of_ something, _something that hurts because_ Aoko doesn’t trust him.)

_He leaves it all behind. He can’t be exposed. Finding Pandora, exposing Their crimes is more important._

_(Right??)_

_And he knows better than anyone that it’s not just because of KID that she hates him. By the time they were eighteen, about 30 percent of what he said to her was entirely truthful. Everything else was either a complicated, twisted, half-truth, or a straight-out and empty lie._

_(Maybe_ she _was the one who didn't feel trusted.)_

 _But he tells himself_ KID _and_ Pandora _and_ the Organisation _are more important, puts on a poker face, and pretends that he’s not drowning._

* * *

"Lily-san? You okay?"

A concerned voice shakes Lily out of her thoughts.

She offers her friend a weak smile.

"Yeah, nothin', I’m fine."

**Author's Note:**

> Hey, I posted something.
> 
> Now I'm wondering why Lily Wei moved to Japan if she's not Japanese at all. I know that her accent sucks though.


End file.
